I Answer the 12 MYTHS About Open Relationships
Someone wrote a blog post on “12 reasons to never enter into an open relationship” and I break down every myth [and ignorance] in that blog post which will shed light upon the authors [and most people’s] misunderstanding and inexperience with open relationships.
Myth 1: “Since you must share everything with your partner, increases the pain tenfold.”
The premise of an open relationship that’s done right is that the “open” part of “open relationship” is open communication; nothing hidden, complete opportunity for transparency.
In other words, each individual’s freedom to be themselves and encouraging and insisting others to freely be themselves and be able to share anything without repercussion of emotional blackmail.
The notion that your partner’s sharing their experiences with other people would be painful is from someone ill-equipped to be in an open relationship and would be better served by taking this course first!
Myth 2: “Most men can’t handle open relationships.”
This is a bogus myth because the truth is, any person, whether male or female, won’t be able to handle open relationships without the appropriate perspective and knowledge.
Unfortunately, this is the majority of people who seek to practice open relationships as there isn’t too many resources that teach the foundational principles of successful open relationships because it’s so radically different from the standard relationship model [that doesn’t work]. This is why we created this course for this very reason.
Myth 3: “Intimacy is hard to build.”
This myth comes from the notion that, because your time and attention isn’t all on one person, makes it hard to build intimacy. This idea comes from two erroneous premises:
- That intimacy has to be quickly established
- They have the wrong definition of intimacy
Let’s address #1: How long do you imagine is the length of time sufficient to build intimacy? Would a lifetime be sufficient? (that is, unless of course, the relationship isn’t expected to be a life-long relationship).
It’s unbelievably naive to imagine that building intimacy requires it being immediately or that it takes a long, difficult, time… or that it can’t be had with more than one person.
#2: Once you recognize what intimacy is, everything will make sense!
Intimacy is how well you know the person. Full stop. That’s it!
If you can facilitate your getting to know each other, time becomes irrelevant since it can be tonight, or it can be over a longer period of time that you build intimacy with each other. It depends on your ability to facilitate it with them.
We teach more about the Art of intimacy on this course.
Myth 4: “You can’t be honest to please your partner.”
This is unbelievably idiotic – I’ll prove it to you.
Honesty IS the best policy (because there’s many other policies that work for people). BUT, honesty can only be truly had in an open relationship, in fact that is a feature and the benefit in being in an open relationship!
You enter into an open relationship BECAUSE of your ability and opportunity to be completely honest, and open and transparent. There aren’t a need to keep secrets since there’s no reason to be having one [other than specific, perhaps professional reasons].
Myth 5: “Open relationshps are time consuming.”
You don’t every worry about having to “consume” more time by “having more” friends.
Why?
It’s because you automatically manage your friendships merely by their merit. In other words, whichever relationship merits more of your time and attention is the one you automatically gravitate to without having to think of managing it.
Thinking that open relationships are any different is a misappreciation and an uneducated perception of open relationships.
Myth 6: “More chance you’ll get an STD.”
Anyone entering into an open relationship must have protocols to ensure sexual health and safety!
As obvious as that sounds, it’s not as common as you imagine since most people who do explore open relationships didn’t have an education on open relationships beforehand. (This course changes that)
I’d actually would rather have sex with someone who has or had a lot of partners than someone monogamous because while someone experienced ensure they have parameters for sexual health and safety… someone monogamous, when the right opportunity appears, won’t have a condom with them.
Myth 7: “It’s not real freedom. Someone always gets hurt.”
Compared to what?
Compared to monogamous relationships which ensures there’s no freedom? With a 50% rate of divorce from first marriages and 70% rate of divorce from second marriages?
Aside from that reasoning, consider this… there are no relationship style, whether sexual or not, professional or personal, that can’t be harmonious if it’s managed well.
Any relationship where expectations are managed and the constituents upkeep their communications will stand to become better and have less pain in the experience.
Myth 8: “You might get jealous.”
Jealousy is NOT a part of any healthy relationship despite the overwhelming amount of people who believe otherwise.
Jealousy is merely the compound emotion of two emotions: fear of loss and the rage from feeling that fear of loss.
In a relationship fundamentally based on unconditional love; your wanting for your beloved’s happiness intrinsic to your own, jealousy and the idea of ‘ownership’ has no place.
Myth 9: “Others may be better than you in bed.”
This is GOOD! I’ll explain why…
If you love your partner unconditionally – your wanting for their happiness and actualization – then you’d like them to have great friendships and even more intimate relationships other than you [SINCE it makes them happy].
AND if you’re in an open relationship, they’ll happily share their experiences (and mishaps) with others (JUST LIKE a bestfriend would), in which case, you may be able to also do those things they enjoyed if you were interested.
Remember that humans didn’t evolve to be monogamous. It doesn’t matter if they’re the hottest gal or hottest guy on earth, your biology will cause you to still desire other people. The goal is managing relationships, NOT keeping your partner from ‘straying’ – and becoming inhibited in life!
Myth 10: “You can’t help but fall in love.”
Of course you’re going to fall in love. You should! Here’s the real problem…
Everything you know about relationships you learned it from authority figures or peers you never questioned. The notion that you’re only supposed to “love one person” is from the *idea* of monogamy (monogamy is NOT a biological human predisposition).
You’ve already proven to yourself, with any experience or perspective at all, that you can love multiple people [whether at the same time or different instants of time]!
Myth 11: “Seeing ex’es with others is awkward.”
Sometimes, relationships, JUST LIKE ANY, lose their meriting their existence and this isn’t reserved only for open relationships. It’s true for ALL relationships styles. An “open” individual has an enlightened acceptance that love isn’t something that goes away based on change of titles.
Myth 12: “It cheapens the effects of your partner’s words.”
An enlightened individual recognizes that every person, and therefore EVERY relationship, is individual and therefore unique. To presume each dynamic is the same and therefore the communication outcome is the same is poor expectation management.
You WILL inevitably find yourself saying the SAME WORDS with different people and they WILL MEAN different things BECAUSE they’re a different person.
What do you think? Do you agree with the reasoning or have some of your own? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
May 24, 2022 @ 11:52 am
What do you think about the reasons or the counter arguments provided? Share them here!