Is Open Relationships An Ego Driven Selfish Idea

Watch the video on youtube instead: youtube.com/watch?v=EwC-zvYJAGk

Radical Claims

I make a lot of radical claims; after all, this is a channel on open relationships, a very controversial one and one that’s not commonly accepted. And so, some people believe this is an ego-driven thing, saying that monogamy is wrong and that monogamy doesn’t work.

And so, I’m going to point out your ironies here. First, let’s begin with a recognition that values, ethics, right, and wrong are completely human-made epithets. They are entirely subjective but they’re reasonable, and I understand where you’re coming from. You’re saying that I don’t have compassion for how other people want to portray or practice the way they want to love.

Ethics and Values

So let me point out two things. Number one is that ethics, values, and what’s right and wrong are completely human-made epithets, and that ego’s sole purpose is to not be diminished. Your ego is not you; your ego is merely a construct that you created when you learned language. Because when you learned language, no longer was this a hand, it is now my hand.

Language Creates Abstraction and Ego

When you were a child and you were learning language, you learned to abstract things. This is no longer a hand; this is your hand. Now, with abstraction, you’ve abstracted yourself. Where did you get this abstraction from? From language. People were telling you, “You’re a good girl,” “You’re a good boy,” “You’re this,” “You’re very smart,” “You’re not very smart,” “You’re very good at drawing,” “You’re not very good at drawing.” Now, you’ve inferred from that information your abstraction.

You now have the abstraction “you,” and that abstraction comes in the form of your ego. Your ego will fight and would rather die than accept the input of others who are criticizing your ego. Do you understand? This is how armies are built.

What is Reasoning

Leaving that alone for now, the irony is that what we’re talking about here when it comes to reasoning is that with reasoning, sort of like the scientific method, in which you create a thought experiment or an actual physical experiment, you make a theory, you test it, and you make experiments, and then you refine your theory based on the conclusions and outcomes of those tests. Now, a reasonable person can be reasoned with because, by definition, they are reasonable.

And reasoning, kind of like the scientific method, may have better reasoning on the thing, on the reason that you have. We have a better reason, and so you change your reasoning, sort of like the scientific method. You change your theory based on the conclusions, based on the results. If the results are not consistent with your theory, this is the irony that I’d like to point out, and I would like you to consider when it comes to whether it is an ego-driven thing or a reason thing.

And I say this is all about reasoning. When I make the radical claims that I do, it’s because of reasoning, not ego. Remember that ego would rather fight and die to protect its preconceptions because its sole purpose is to not be diminished. You understand most people do not have control of their ego, and so you cannot reason with them. But the more control you have over your ego, the more reasonable you can be.

The Scientific Method of Reasoning

You can take your reasoning, try it out, test it out; if it doesn’t pan out, there’s probably better reasoning that could be had if you get the circumspection of other people. And you recognize, “Well, that’s actually better reasoning. I like that. I’m going to change mine.” Understand there is no ego about it; there’s no ego about my message.

I’m going to talk about compassion a little bit here, but I’m going based on reasoning. This is what makes us human. Humans have the particular ability that distinguishes us from animals, which is our ability to reason. Because animals merely act on instinct; that’s it. We also have an animal aspect to us because we are animals, but there’s an animal aspect to our brain which is very primal, emotional, and instinctive. We act on instinct.

What Makes Us Human

What makes us human and distinguishes us from animals is our ability to reason, which comes from our frontal cortex, our logical brain. The more you’re acting on reason, the more human you are. The more you’re acting on primal instincts without reason, the more animal-like you are. You understand that ethics, values, what’s right and wrong, are from the reasoning aspect of our brain.

So, leaving that alone for now, when you say that I don’t have compassion for other people who are in monogamous relationships and try drastically or direly for their relationships to work because, after all, these people just want to show their affection for other people. They just want to portray or execute or practice the way they want to love. And so, the reasoning aspect of my brain, without any ego at all, recognizes that it doesn’t matter whether you practice this or not; this is what’s more reasonable. I want you to consider it.

Reasoning for Open Relationships

The reasoning aspect of my brain says, “Hey, we didn’t evolve to be monogamous. Fine, it doesn’t mean that monogamy doesn’t work. Monogamy works if your relationship is not fundamentally based on love.” Remember, monogamy can work in arrangements. In fact, if you were to presume your relationship is arranged at the outset, it can work and it can work much better than people who presume monogamy from love. Why? It’s because you recognize the arrangement; you know you have a goal, and it’s not about love. You’ll find you get to love the person you spend most of your time with, but it’s not about the love; it’s about the arrangement, such as more power, offspring, more land, more real estate, more money, whatever the case is. If the arrangement is understood by both parties, then it works. But if the arrangement is presumed to be about love, parties don’t know what love is because they have different definitions of love and the presumptions of what society tells them what love is.

If love were your wanting for your beloved’s happiness intrinsically to your own, it denies jealousy and ownership, which denies monogamy. This is reasonable; this is logical. So, how do you practice it for you to be enjoying your life, enjoying the beautiful aspects of your emotions and compassion, they say? So, I am compassionate. I’m compassionate in that I want to enlighten you of your burden, the things that make you miserable because you’re following the dogma of social conventions about relationships.