What Would Change If You Had An Open Relationship?

You could be saying, “I barely have time for the one I have right now. The one relationship I have. I won’t have time for any other relationship. I’ve got my life as well, outside of my relationship.”

Misconceptions About Open Relationships

These are all misconceptions about open relationships because, primarily, when people imagine open relationships, they imagine not being serious in a relationship. In fact, when you say, “I want an open relationship,” with somebody, immediately they think, “Oh, you must not be serious. You must not want to commit in a relationship.” These are all fundamental misconceptions and mistaken preconceptions about open relationships.

What Would Change?

So, what would actually change in your life? Well, there are a couple of fundamental things I want to address here. You might be saying that you barely have time for the one you have right now, the relationship that you have. But if a lot of people think that they say in their words, “I barely have time for the person I have right now,” that’s a misconception because, at the very most, you’re actually borrowing time. Time is borrowed; the person whom you’re spending time with, it’s borrowed.

Because you’re taking for granted that they’re going to be with you forever. That is actually what goes on in a monogamous arrangement. When someone grants themselves to the other person in exchange for the other person’s granting themselves to them, they become taken for granted and inevitably feel taken for granted. This happens to be the death knell of every loving relationship, which is the cause of the demise of all relationships, and the reason why people get into trouble in their relationships: because they take each other for granted.

An Axiomatic Philosophy

So, get rid of the notion that you have anyone and replace it with this axiomatic philosophy about your relationships. The central tenet of your relationships must become deservedness. You don’t have someone; you deserve someone in the relationship. That is actually what’s fundamentally changing if you endeavor to have an open relationship. You will begin to change your philosophy from having someone to deserving someone.

Mistake Monogamy Makes

The mistake that monogamy makes — the idea of monogamy — and remember, it’s just an idea that’s put onto humans. We’re not actually monogamous; we’ve evolved to be. It’s just a cultural tradition thing. The fundamental mistake they make is to remember a union exists to prevent competition. The reason someone joins a union is because the union protects them from competition from better workers.

That is actually what a union is. So funny, they say that you enter into a union; that’s what a marriage is. A marriage is a union because it protects from competition from better ones. It protects you from being replaced, from doing your best, from being a great person. Once you are in a relationship where you’re taken for granted, and you take them for granted, there is no longer any incentive for you to be your best, to look your best, to do your best, to be a great lover because you are already granted to them, and they’re granted to you.

“I don’t have time”

Now, you might be saying, “Rone, I don’t have time for more relationships in my life.” Now, let me ask you a question: how many friends do you have? And let me ask you an even deeper question: do you ever concern yourself with not having more friends? The reason I asked that is because it doesn’t require any more time from you to have? And let me ask you an even deeper question: do you ever concern yourself with not having more friends? The reason I asked that is because it doesn’t require any more time from you to have more relationships with people. The reason for that is because you already do it every day. At some points in your life, you meet new people who you like and you admire and you respect and you trust. They inevitably become friends, presuming the time allows it. You both have time to interface with each other. You both connect with each other. Nowadays, we’re very busy, so we connect online for the most part.

It doesn’t take any more time for you to acquire more friends, just the same as in open relationships. You don’t require any more time to meet more people whom you can possibly enjoy and admire and respect and adore, and perhaps love. Or perhaps you may not even get to that point; you may just enjoy them at the moment and have sexual fun with them and not want to go any deeper or more intimate in a relationship.

Just like friends. When you meet friends, when you meet other people, you don’t require yourself to, or obligate yourself to become more intimate with that person. Intimacy being getting to know them deeper. You don’t require that; you just like them for them. You like them for the context that they present themselves in your life. And that’s that. You don’t obligate yourself for anything else.

It’s the same exact thing for open relationships. Now, it will require a lot more effort because remember, the central tenet of your relationship becomes deservedness. You must deserve the relationship. You must deserve the person whom you’re in a relationship with because remember, they don’t have to be there, and that’s wonderful.

You don’t have to be there in that relationship. They don’t have to be with you. You don’t have to be with them, and that’s wonderful and beautiful. Because the only reason in a relationship where there’s obligations, such as a monogamous or any closed relationship, where you’re obligated to be there and do things with that person, the only reason they do anything with you, whether they like to or not, is because they have to. It’s because they’re obligated. The only reason you’re sleeping in the same bed is because it’s the only bed you have. The only reason they’re in proximity with you, they’re spending any time with you, is because they don’t have any other place to spend any more time. You understand?

A Relationship That Is Merited

So, when you recognize that the person wants to be there, not because they have to be there, but because out of all of their options, they choose to be there with you, or out of all of their options, because they have options, they choose to have sex with you, it’s because you know that they like to and want to have sex with you.

So, the effort that you put in is not work. It’s effort that you put in because you like that person, you like being with that person. So, you do your best. You cook good meals, you put more effort into enjoyable things, into interacting and communicating and managing expectations with them because you don’t take them for granted, and they don’t take you for granted, and it’s a beautiful feeling.

Hopefully, that helps. If you have any other questions about open relationships, share them in the comments below. I’d love to hear them.